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2006年8月22日星期二

噢,佩詩

這是別人的故事。可是,別人的故事,往往會通過別人的口耳相傳滲透進自己的生活,而且這些故事會像戲劇般虛假,但又那麼真實。

就叫這主人翁為「佩詩」吧──有些俗套的名字,因為她只是像一般女人想遇到好歸宿,終生經營一段美麗的婚姻。

佩詩的丈夫是一個固定收入的專業人士,兩人曾經分手,卻聯名買了一間屋子後藕斷絲連,最後復合,現在兩人還註冊了,兩人目前是分隔兩地聚少離多。

問題是,佩詩的丈夫從來沒與她接過吻。兩人更不曾同睡在一張床上。

據說佩詩的丈夫是一個酷愛健身的男子,不允許腹部出現肚腩,所以愛穿緊身衣服,對打扮也蠻有心得…

佩詩心裡有一個答案了。可是,她不愿相信她的丈夫是一個同志,即使兩人結為夫妻後不曾有過肌膚之親,即使她的女性朋友都認定她的丈夫是同志。

後來,佩詩看到另一個別人的故事。

那是歐陽文風出櫃的新聞。佩詩在報章上讀到新聞後開始抓狂了!她發飆起來,因為她發覺自己就是那女主角的變身。如果歐陽文風是一個同志丈夫,即使沒有公開出櫃,但她還可以相信,同志是可以娶一個女人太太,然後維持著婚姻的,更何況那是一個稍有知名度的公眾人物。

莫名的是,她竟然將一個不可能出現的夢想投射在另一個人的身上,而希望換取一個慰藉,當這個夢想被戳破時,她才發覺自己一無所有。

她竟然不知道自己的生活,會被另一個不認識的人這樣打擊。

她的女性朋友開始勸她應離婚了,因為「同志丈夫」這理由,已不足以構成一段婚姻開花結果。

她們說,「你看,連歐陽文風也因自己是同志而離婚,你也應該離婚了。這樣對你不公平。」

但是佩詩卻希望去聯絡歐陽文風的妻子,因為她想知道,一個同志丈夫到底還有什麼跡象?像找尋天涯的另一個淪落人般,要一起同病相憐?還是要一起抱頭痛哭?

不過,後來佩詩也認為不需要再找歐陽文風的妻子了,因為她漸漸醒悟到底她的丈夫為什麼愿意與她結婚──是為了交待?是為了煙幕掩飾自己?是為了她的財產?故事還有一大截,我也不愿再寫了,只能說這是一個遇人不淑的故事。

歐陽文風出新書pecah而鬧得沸騰部落格中高談闊論,不少人說:這是一個勇氣舉動,又或者說,同志站出來時不應該被歧視、應受到尊重等的,可是我不免悲觀地想:這些異性戀者是否只是說一套,做一套?如果他們的男朋友、哥哥弟弟是同志,他們會否有其他的想法?還是像佩詩一樣,否認又否認?

現在我們的世界裡還有多少個「佩詩」呢?又有多少個「佩詩的丈夫」?歐陽文風在大馬破櫃而出只是一個公開的故事,但是我們看不見還有更多。當然,同志們希望會有更多像歐陽文風般自揭身份,但女士們則不希望自己會是「佩詩」,甚至碰到歐陽文風這樣的一個丈夫了。

還有當然,我也不會去找另一個女人當「佩詩」。

20 口禁果:

dertraum 說...

I think what Hezt has written is a truth.It happens everywhere in the world.The world is opening up to more and more things.The acceptance of homosexuality among the society is growing.At the same time,there are more and more people,including those that are married,are standing up and be gay,proud and out.

However,I think Hezt needs to know the limit.I seriously think that Hezt has crossed the line from being a really fine blogger into something more like a personal attack.Regardless of what you think of Oyoung,it's unfair to write a statement like "當然,同志們希望會有更多像歐陽文風般自揭身份,但女士們則不希望自己會是「佩詩」,甚至碰到歐陽文風這樣的一個丈夫了。"

As an outsider,do you really have an insight of Oyoung's personal life?How was Oyoung as a husband?Did he mistreat his ex-wife?

Maybe you can think it this way around.Oyoung is in his mid 30s.At the time he actually got married,is homosexuality something that is widely acceptable?How many people have actually came out at that time?I am sure a lot of us know or at least heard about the difficulty to come out from the closet especially for people who are above 30.No offence to anyone who falls into that age range.

A lot of people act out of what is expected of him or her and not what he or her is expecting.

Another thing I would like to comment about links to the article about Oyoung coming out of closet.I think the reasons why he chose not to open up about his sexuality back then is because he wants people to notice his effort and his work.Let us think it another way round.As a gay activist,there's no need to be gay.By not putting sexuality on the table,it diverts the attention to the work being presented.As a writer that writes on Christianity(religion),history and homosexuality, he has given a lot of people a scope into what homosexuality really stands for and into acknowledging homosexuality.If everyone knows that he's gay right from the start,do you think his works would have as much impact on people as they have today?

There's a female writer that writes on homosexuality and religion in HK.And,she's not gay.The point I am wanting to make is that,a writer like her,does not only open up people's mind but as well being a role model for other people(heterosexuals),letting them know that being gay is nothing wrong and it doesn't affect a person's faith.At the same time,writer like her passes out a message to all the gay people out there,telling all of us that there are people who accepts us for who we are,letting us know that sexuality is just a preference/choice/genetic.

Lastly,I hope that those husbands or boyfriends that plan to come out from the closet,will be able to manage the whole coming out thing gracefully.The world is full of love.Hopefully,no one would be hurt in the process or at least cut the damage to the minimal.

Peace.

深渊 說...

每一个同志首先都会说"我们没有错!因为我们没有伤害任何人!"但是结婚就是伤害着一个女人。
有时候很讽刺的,偏偏社会就是觉得会结婚的男人才不是同志。这就是恶性循环,社会伤害同志,同志为保护自己而伤害女人。

基不擇食 說...

昨晚第一次近距离的接触欧阳文风,看着他滔滔不绝的为同志说公道话,捍卫着为同志争取公平地位的旗帜,再回想他的文字,回想他对太太的爱与忏悔,回想他也曾经像我们(应该我们像他吧?)一样徘徊在男男情欲的世界里难以自拔,他是基督教徒,我是佛教徒,一样都面对着宗教的压力,每每宣泄欲望后所得来的自责与悔恨,那种茫然若失与不知所措的挣扎,矛盾,无助.....百感交集的情绪,只有是同一个国度的我们才能懂得。

要走出来,谈何容易;但是也未尝不能,我想,他之所以会有这个举止,事前一定是经历了几番挣扎与考量,才做出如此惊天动地的抉择,得失对他来说已经不再重要了,他在乎的,是今后及未来该如何更诚实更真实的看待自己的生命。因为妻子对他的爱,让他变得更坚强更勇敢,这种爱情的宽容实在不可思议,我好羡慕他的幸福,他如此坚决的走出来,其实就是表现了他对春玉的爱,他不愿再欺瞒她,愿意为了她而向全世界坦白交代一切;他的忏悔,也切切实实的袒露了当初跟她走入婚姻里的错误决定,但是我心想,他们大概都不会后悔走进婚姻,毕竟那份曾经一起走过的幸福甜蜜患难与共的日子,会一直珍藏在彼此美好的回忆箱子里,不会被任何人给带走。

能这样无怨无悔的爱过,尽管个中要经历过多少甜酸苦辣,也是一种幸福。

Hezt 說...

dertraum :

我想,沒有一個女士愿意看到自己的丈夫是一個同志吧!她們也不希望自己在結婚後才發覺自己的丈夫喜歡男人。這就是我要說的話──怎麼被視為是人身攻擊呢?這是可以理解的情態吧。

我不知道歐陽文風的私生活,當然不知道他如何扮演一個異性戀者的丈夫角色,即使他是一個合格、關愛妻子的丈夫,但是為了驗證同志是可以結婚的而去結婚,那不知道你所用的Mistreat是否包括「欺騙」這涵意?

stevie 說...

Wow, lately the blog is sizzling with the coming-out issue. To come-out or not to come-out, that pretty much depending on a person's choice or the situation that he/she is in.

It definitely takes alot of courage, emotions (and many other elements) to make that decision.

Personally, i have plan to come-out to my family gradually, first my sibilings... eventually my old folks. There are some heterosexual friends of mine already aware of my orientation & thank God they are quite cool about it. That inclusive of a childhood friend who had a crush on me. (She confessed when i did)

dertraum 說...

Hezt:

Well,in that context,'mistreat' that I used referring to whether Oyoung did or did not play his role as a husband.
If he was messing about with another guy when he was still married,then it is a mistreating.
-----------------------------------

Personally,I don't think that someone like Oyoung cheated on his ex-wife.I think when they decided to be together,it was out of their own willingness.Put it that way,perhaps Oyoung might be confused with his own sexuality at the time of marriage but he was willing to forgo the fact that he's gay and walked into the marriage with the ex-wife.
A lot of people get married just to prove that they are not gay,Having said that,it does not only refer to men,but women as well.There are women who got married just to prove that they are not lesbians and they can be like other women,have a family and have kids.
A person who hasn't come to an acceptance of himself/herself as being gay shouldn't get married.I don't think getting married is cheating on the spouse but it's not thinking wisely and thoroughly.Most of all it's being irresponsible to yourself and the person that you pledge to be with in good health or bad.

每一个同志首先都会说"我们没有错!因为我们没有伤害任何人!"但是结婚就是伤害着一个女人。

Feeling is a complex and abstract thing.Perhaps at the time of marriage,there's love in the air?Maybe a gay person really thought that he is really in love with the lovely lady he is going to marry?I don't know.But I think a gay man in a marriage with a woman is not only hurting the woman but torturing himself as well.

匿名 說...

每個人在單獨和統合情況下所做出的決定都帶給人不一樣的感覺和想法?

首先 出柜
這很好,多數人都很佩服他的勇氣
因爲他做了多數人都躊躇很久可是卻不敢進行的決定

然而,再將他在之前的婚姻帶到這個狀況下
少數人可能又要抨擊他的懦弱
因爲他的先前無知 帶給一個婦女難以磨滅的烙印

只能說每一個人在不同時期的決定都有他們“理所當然”的原因
我們自己的人生歷練對訊息接受的轉化都有一定的影響

送上祝福,自己的生活都會充滿希望

基不擇食 說...

我很同意dertraum的一些說法。我每天都翻閱歐陽文風的書。

有一段文字讓我特別感動﹕

和春玉分手﹐對她對我﹐都是無可言喻的悲哀﹐叫人只能落淚顫巍。對於我的性取向﹐我從來就沒有選擇的機會﹐但是我能選擇是否要欺騙她﹐是否繼續自欺欺人。我做出了我的選擇﹐春玉也做出了她的選擇﹐我們都沒有後悔﹐只是還是有遺憾感慨。有時我想後悔﹐但是我懷疑我可以不做出那樣的選擇嗎﹖

我只希望她以後能快樂起來。我只希望我的故事﹐讓人認識同志﹐讓同志也認識自己﹐以後﹐不要再有女子經歷她的傷心﹐不再有人經歷我們的傷痛。


歐陽文風的誠懇與懺悔﹐深深打動著我﹐我承認我是一個很感性也很容易感動的人﹐不過有一點我真的很確定﹐歐陽文風沒存心期滿春玉﹐從一開始到現在﹐他都是愛她的﹐但是那不是男女間的愛﹐只是一種比友情多了一點親密的愛﹐一種錯把心動欣賞看成是愛情倒影的愛﹐最可悲的是﹐他卻在不自覺中連自己都欺瞞了﹐去選擇排擠自己的同志生命﹐如果說他傷害了春玉﹐倒不如說他連自己也傷害了﹐他們都在玉石俱焚﹐同歸于盡好了。事實上﹐他們都是相愛的﹐而這種愛﹐近乎是超越了男女間的一般情懷﹐令人感動欲淚。

我看到他﹐春玉還有安其奇兒之間的相處模式﹐也很震撼和感動﹐他們間沒有絲毫的爭風吃醋﹐有的只是少許的矛盾和掙扎﹐可是都在他們彼此之間的大愛中一一把傷害減少至最低程度﹐這就是愛情的偉大﹐愛的寬容﹐歐陽文風就是這樣幸福的被愛著﹐所以他才覺得﹐自己應該要站出來﹐為同志們做一點什麼﹐過於幸福的他﹐總覺得自己很愧疚很自責﹐對總是委曲求全的春玉﹐對總是百般遷就的安奇兒﹐他能做的﹐能補償的﹐能報答的﹐就只有耗盡全生命的力量﹐去幫助所有有需要幫助的同志們。

Hezt 說...

dertraum:
原來你對「Mistreat」的定義這樣狹窄──只限于拈花惹草胡搞而已,而不包括「欺騙」。

至于他是否有欺騙太太的成份,我覺得你儼然就是他的代言人一般,你怎麼知道他真的是「confused」了呢?我不知道他是否有是糊塗了,因為我不是歐陽文風肚裡的迴蟲。

你說:「我不認為結婚是欺騙配偶,但那是沒有理智與全盤地思考。」所以那就是無心之失而可以體諒的?這是否有些自圓其說?

Hezt 說...

基不擇食:我很久沒有看瓊瑤的小說了,每次看到你的留言時,我都會有一愣的感覺,說不出話來,我才想起以前棄看瓊瑤小說是因為不懂得消化。

基不擇食 說...

結婚﹐本來就是那麼神聖的一幢事情。
只不過﹐現代人都太自我了﹐往往都被一時衝動的愛情感覺沖昏了理性﹐在還沒理清自己的真實性取向時就冒然結婚﹐過後才後悔才提出離婚﹐不但害人害己﹐也其實是一種極其自私自利的行為。

不單單性取向﹐儘管你是一個異性戀者﹐結婚後為了種種理由﹐所謂的個性不合﹐理念不一﹐冷落彼此﹐無法相處等等原因而離婚﹐當初的結婚大概也就被說成是任性妄為的舉止了。

有時候﹐人不可能在每個人生階段都保持清醒理智﹐我們往往都會做錯很多抉擇﹐而且是足以影響我們一生的抉擇﹐只有在痛定思痛後才會醒悟過來﹐幸運的我們還能回頭補救﹐不幸的話我們就造成了一輩子都無法彌補的遺憾﹐一生的悲劇了﹐所以這種錯犯不得也不該犯﹐但人的情非得以總會讓人犯錯﹐我不是要為犯錯的人辯護﹐只是覺得錯了能改就好﹐也很為那些受傷害的人感到難過心痛﹐就因為錯已經成事實了﹐我們能做的就只能想辦法糾正想辦法別讓相同的悲哀別再發生。

關於歐陽先生是不是利用妻子的錢來攻讀他的大學課程﹐我就不多說了﹐我也只是針對他的這次作為發表言論﹐他的人格怎樣﹐其實大概只有他自己或身邊真正認識他的人才懂吧﹗

基不擇食 說...

hezt
看書本來就是個人品味不一﹐見人見智的樂趣﹐沒辦法勉強。就好像你能不能寬恕一個犯錯的人﹐你當然有權利去選擇要還是不要﹐沒有人有資格去要求你一定要原諒對方不原諒就是小氣鬼這樣的話。

你無法消化(笑話)我的留言﹐和我愛看瓊瑤的小說沒關係吧﹗事實上我看她的書也不多﹐嚴格來說也不算是她的書迷﹐也許是我說了一些不重聽的話﹐讓你無法消化(笑話)吧﹗你就當成是一則笑話好了。

dertraum 說...

Hezt:

我想 基不擇食 以把我要说的话说了。就那么简单。
我并不知道当时的欧阳是不是对自己在还没有搞清楚自己的性向下结婚,所以用了'Perhaps' 'might be'。没有绝对的答案,只有他本人知道。
我们一生中会做不少错误的决定。对我来说,勇敢站起来承认就很不错了。觉得,站出来,欧阳以给了春玉一个交代。不是最好的交代,但至少大家可以坦诚相对。
坦白说一句别介意,你能一次又一次地接受椰桨饭,为何不从另一角度去接受别的人呢?

Hezt 說...

dertraum:
我現在已是S&A(Single and available),順便在此拿起麥克風說:pick me, pick me! 歡迎來信應征!

或許我這樣總結吧:一個公眾人物會起示範作用,他是犯錯後懺悔,還是要存心「啟發」別人,都是各自主觀看待的事情。

但是,我們可以充作一種「反面教材」來看待。懺悔認錯後可以啟迪別人,也是一種戴罪立功表現吧!

dertraum 說...

嗯。。。
往好的方面去看。至少,提醒自己不要犯同样的错误。那世界就会多几个微笑啦!

匿名 說...

基不擇食,

so you have seen O Yang's boyfriend, is his bf good looking? Have you taken any picture?

Matthew

ryuwo_79 說...

to me, marriage is something that a person must think thoroughly, becoz it involves many people; the family, the frenz and the couple themselves. it is not sumthing like pick-n-try and if it is good, then it remains. if not, tats it. marriage is more than tat. it is about commitment and resonsibility towards all the people involved, especially to your loved ones.

in this case, i wouldnt said that ouyang is wrong, coz it is his right and he made the decision to come out after he spoke to his wife. but one thing i dun agree wif his doing; y must he marry a girl when he himself isn't sure who he really is?

a piece of suggestion from me to all ppl: if u are confused wif ur personality or sexuality, please do not commit.

stevie 說...

To certain extend, life is about making mistakes & learn from them. Ouyang made a mistake by marrying his ex-wife. Everyone makes mistake. Don't be too harsh on him just because he is an icon (or sort of icon).

Simon Jim 說...

認識一個讀碩士班的中國人,聊著我隨著年齡增長而越來越感覺家人期望所帶來的壓力,於是問說:你都快40了,還是家長獨子,家人沒給你壓力嗎?他劈頭就一句,我結婚了。我想我是瞪大著眼睛問:進行式?他說他結了婚6年,和拉拉(lesbian). 在中國大陸有專門互相配對的討論區,在上面約見面簡單交往再決定結婚,現任是他見過的第三個拉拉,為人豪爽,不貪小便宜(他說錢兩個談假結婚時要他送鑽石,結果沒談成)至於這一任個妻子,會互相分攤酒席費用,娉金禮金而且所以結成了。他們會結伴回家過年,會定期外出用餐然後給各自父母播電話聊天,織造婚姻幸福的美麗畫面。其實各自和各自的伴侶住一塊,互不干涉。現在他們是很好的朋友,偶爾會見面逛街吃飯。還說她是很好的紅顏知己。他說中國很多同志圈都如此結合。說我可以考慮看看。 :)

Simon Jim 說...

忘了說:他倆沒有行夫妻之禮,對家長們擺出盡力了,不強求的姿態來回應傳宗接代的議題。

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