Recent Posts

2005年11月9日星期三

你不忠,你骯髒


本來,我應該繼續提筆寫寫上週在南端島國的經歷。可是昨晚接獲小岩的電話,我躊躇不前。因為,他說他讀了我的部落格。

小岩先來一則sms說,他很驚訝原來我有這樣的生活方式,然而聲稱這樣的書寫是一種視窗,可以提供更多人認識這圈子。

然後我撥電給他再聊。他說他只看過我幾篇的短文,然後一一分享他的讀後感,並歸納出以下的3個要點:

一) 我很不忠,因為有了椰漿飯,還四處嬉春
二) 我很骯髒,因為四處嬉春
三) 我患上了性上癮症(Sex Addiction),因為我寧愿四處嬉春,也不將時間花在一些有用的事情(譬如閱讀啊什麼的)因為我有那麼強烈的慾求,卻不好好花在有建設性的事情……

(他還建議我去找一位他的心理醫生朋友,來尋求治療這種病態)


當然,小岩的話,有我不得不同意的地方。因為不忠、骯髒、性上癮似乎就是很多同志被標籤的字眼。

而我必須很中肯與客觀地說,我的同志生涯與生活型態並非代表全部人,但我絕非是唯一過著這樣生活型態的同志。

因此,忠貞、潔淨、寡慾的同志還有很多(例如小岩,但其他類似的同志請舉手,我也想認識)

後來,我繼續地聆聽他的講解。可是心底裡頭,卻迴旋著千百個答案,一個旋轉的銀幣又豈止是兩面而已?因為……

忠貞能凝固永恆的愛情?專情就是不玩一夜情?你偏食就可以平衡、飽足?

清心寡慾就是美滿心靈?保持矜持就是高貴純良?不玩一夜情、不去sauna就是純潔?不玩肛交就是乾淨?

壓抑情慾就能成為有生產力的人嗎?否認慾求的存在就會快樂嗎?無慾無求就是生活的真諦?
因為堅持,你就會稀有嗎

因為你純情,社會就不會罵你是玩屁股的「死基佬」嗎?因為不濫交,你就不會得到死亡愛滋病嗎?



我記得我中三時那個為賦強說愁的時代,當時會流行說一些似是而非的哲學道理,然後要顯露一些邏輯式的語鋒,我不知在哪兒學了一句話:世上沒有絕對。

而有一次我有機會將這句話派用上場,與我隔壁的一位瘦骨嶙峋男同學(當然他現在變得肥碩如肉山了)在吵嘴時拿出來回應。

他馬上說,「有,你絕對是一個男人。」

我當時啞口無言。是,我絕對是一個男人。可是男人絕對是喜歡女人嗎?一切都是那樣純粹與直接嗎?

我想起一些經典的悖論:

「我說的話都是假話」(那你這話是真的嗎?)
「凡事皆有例外」(那這話是不是例外?)

還有什麼是絕對的?



我們的人生的確存有邏輯推演,因為許多事物、看法太過抽象化了。然後,我們下一個最終定論,但那並非最正確的定論。我們只能在邏輯推演中去辨證。

我在辨證中,實踐著生命的經驗。

7 口禁果:

ryuwo_79 說...

u r repeating what of those u know is wrong in the plu world.

yes it is true that if u dun do anal sex, people will call u names as long as u are gay. but does that mean becoz of that we should go fool around? is it becoz whatever u do u still get called names, and branded as slut by the "normal" society, then u have a reason to lead a slut life?

and it is extremely correct to say to have ONS when u already have a bf, it is called not loyal, becoz when u are committed to a relationship there are things that we have to sacrifice and do to ensure a healthy and happy relationship.

a lot of people said "i slept around but those are only for my desire, coz in my heart he is still me love and etc...." and these are bullshits. y?

when u have time to think of these phrases, they are just excuses that these sluts found to so-called justify there is nothing wrong with such unhealthy lifestyle and to take the guilt out of their hearts. at the end, the morality issues still stand and it is still wrong.

Hezt 說...

唔,如果我沒有解讀錯誤的留言,你應該是指我不應「自暴自棄」,人家標籤、指責我們種種負面評價,我們就不應該照著那個方向走,來印證自己真的是一個淫穢猥亂的同志,還有在有了伴侶後就應該忠貞來維持健康與快樂的關係,還有不應用心靈與肉體是分開的理由,去四處胡天胡帝。

正如之前我所言,一個旋轉的銀幣不會只出現兩個面向。

以前我的想法與你一樣,認為只要自己忠貞,對方也可以遵守這樣的規則,而且也強制對方如此做。

但現實並非如此的。你以為其他異性戀情侶也有堅貞不二的嗎?你以為我們的父母在婚姻與子女的捆綁下,都有一段美滿的婚姻關係和過著如意的性愛生活嗎?

不一定的。我不敢說沒有這樣的異性戀情侶或同志情侶的,可是很多都是表象,而且是表裡不一。即使一段感情在開頭時熾熱,到後來也不是冷淡下來?誰難保彼此日後不會出軌與找野食?我情愿知道我的伴侶向我坦承他有外遇,總好過他神秘兮兮地隱藏,一切貴乎坦誠。

我對同志關係原則就像放風箏,你只要放線,也要收線,你摟著風箏在懷抱中,這就不是放風箏了。

而我再重申:我的想法與故事並不代表所有人,但我絕對不是唯一。

我提到:「因為你純情,社會就不會罵你是玩屁股的「死基佬」嗎?因為不濫交,你就不會得到死亡愛滋病嗎?」

這不意味著我叫你去繼續玩肛交和濫交,一切並非如此簡單地二分法。我以上的反問句的潛伏答案是:你即使純情,人家也會斥責你。你即使只有一個性伴侶,你也有可能患上任何性病。

在社會規範與「正常人」管制的國度裡,你是不是純情,你濫交與否,在他人眼中都沒有分別。但每個人都有選擇如何對自己的生命交待,還有選擇作決定,承擔決策後的風險。

當然,你是從道德審判來看待整件事。可是,在這個時代,不是道德淪喪,而是許多人都忘了道德的存在。

ryuwo_79 說...

and in the end, have u forget the morality that we should have? yes in this era, morality has long been forgotten, but what i wanted to say here is that, why would you still do these things when you yourself know at first place, it is wrong?

i dunno whether u are or not, but you seem to be pessimistic.

to me, my stand is very easy. i rather have a healthy relationship where both will respect each other and be loyal; and not a relationship where both (or one) are not loyal and do not respect the other. if i am in your place, i would rather choose to be single. becoz when you are single you are free to do whatever you like, and there is no reason to tell anyone or explain what you are doing. but once you are in a relationship, then you should have the responsibility and commitment. but if the other party is doing bad things to you, then i dont see a point of being in relationship.

yes most of it is my perception but thats what i am brought up with, from my parents and my teachers.

yes it is true, if u dun practice anal and being a slut, u are still exposed to aids and std, but at least when i am practicing a healthy lifestyle, my chance of getting these diseases are far less than those who slept around with strangers without knowing their background. yes there is a risk from my lover too, but if he is really loyal, i dun see how i will get infected. thats why in your situatio where ur bf is also fooling around, the risk of u getting infected is very high.

think about it.

sex is only a fulfillment and shouldn't be made as though it is so important or even a leisure.

like r fren had said, there are lots of other things you can do, other than going to these saunas.

ryuwo_79 說...

btw practicing a healthy lifestyle is not for other people to see how you are a good man, but it is for yourself. the responsibility of you towards yourself....in another single word, self love.

stevie 說...

I fully agree with what ryuwo_79 had said, but i do respect all sort of lifestyles one's practicing.

The write of this blog is an adult, he sure know what is right/good for him.

stiva 說...

性泛滥并不表示他人就泛滥...
别人拥有他各自的原因,我们都不清楚.
同志又怎样...也不是一样要过生活.

Simon Jim 說...

這些討論讓我想起一個前度要求我為了他戒除social smoke的要求。沒有人會否認香煙有害健康,而且還會對無關的第三者以二手煙進行傷害。
勸服他人不要抽煙的理由和勸服他人不要四處嬉春的理由與觀點論述有那麼些相似。
其實,我想說的只是很多時候,道德高度真的只要律己就好,強加他人都有些許的不恰當。
當然會提出此類要求的,都是關心的人;而同時能包容他人各自選擇生活方式的自由的話,就更棒了。

發佈留言