Silence becomes you

我收到十字先生這封電郵。然後我無言。

電郵的重點是：

─椰漿飯是一個自私的人，他不應該將他的野史對我坦白相告，因為他在破壞著我的生活。

─椰漿飯對我生活的破壞方式，就是我在部落格裡寫這麼多的野史故事。

─千萬不要在饑餓時就抓樹根而啃得津津有味，吃樹根並不是我應該擁有的最佳抉擇；相同的，我有更多選擇，來挑選我自己要的生活伴侶。

─我不應椰漿飯在外頭胡搞淫樂妥協，這樣的妥協並不是最理想的生活方式。

─對伴侶的妥協／包容可以是多方面的，但絕對不是放縱伴侶四處外出覓速食。

─我只是椰漿飯首號的炮槍手，而我也不能阻止他與其他人共樂。

─我是否應該為花更多時間在椰漿飯身上，而放棄海外工作的夢想？

─我們應該妥協，但是生活原則是不能改變的。

我還能說什麼？

只想對十字先生說，「謝謝」

那是一段十分用心的文字。

「…I am not sure what kind of impact that my judgement on NL gave you. But I definitely think that he's a selfish human-less figure.

You treat his honesty in confessing everything that he did to you, as a goodness. Okie, let me ask you. Why don't you let your mum and sis know what you have been doing outside? You're financially independent. You can even move outside and stay alone. Why should you be so careful and phobia to confess to them? Why don't you think your honesty would be a "goodness" to them?

The answer is simple. Coz you LOVE them. You care about their feeling, you don't want them to get hurt, physically and emotionally. So you opt to cover everything up. Same goes for relationship. If your partner did something wrong and he bother so much not to tell you, probably he cares about your feeling. But of course it depends whether he has regretted it later and not to repeat the mistake in the future.

Instead, he kept doing things like that outside, and kept telling you. I think, it's a seriously ruin to your life, a ruin to your lifestyle.

Just look at how you have started to take things for granted and accept it as it is... Hezt, things shouldn't be that way. You have lots more options.

When you're in hunger, and you would start treating plants roots as food, just as ppl in those war zone country do. Soon, you accept the fact that roots, could be a food. The most you choose, maybe, would be which root is sweeter, which root is bitter.

But right now right here, you are aware that, regardless of sweet root or bitter root, root is NOT a daily balance food.

Take that into your situation. A little bit of goodness that he done to you, you take that as something really fulfilling and you're convincing yourself that life shouldn't be ideal. So, you take that for granted and you accept the way he mess and slut around outside, and coming back hugging you calling you sayang. It's just like you treat roots as a food, that you deserve to have.
If you look at it carefully again, you should compromise IF: your bf is rather not good looking yet he's caring; your bf is rather poor and you have to stay in poor with him yet he's responsible to you; your bf is not educated and can't even speak proper nice words despite your cultured lifestyle, yet he cares you so much. Those things, are things that you may compromise.

Not something that he sleeps with every single guy who comes across his path and he tells you that you're his world... Not someone who tells you that he can't sleep at night and go out for quick sex... Not someone who tells you that he went back hometown to take care of his ill dad, get horny and go to neighbouring country for wild sex... You compromise things like that and telling yourself life is not IDEAL?

Please define "ideal" then...

Or, are you just ruining your life, in being another person just like him, sleeping around and telling everyone here inside your blog? Are you becoming just like him? You see the impact that he put on you? He didn't declare you're his bf, not that he worries he treats you unfair. Instead, you're just one of his top listed sex partner, that he still don't think you deserve to stop him from having fun around with other sex partners.

Look at how did some of your netpals told you. They wanted to try exciting fun sex outside, but once they think about their bf, the love, the relationship, it would make them so guitly and they know they should appreciate what you have. If the situation happened to you, do you have such a strong reason? Fear not...

I know we shouldn't bundle each other too tightly, as we still have our own career, our own family, our own life. But, does this person worthwhile for you, to stop chasing your dream to work abroad, even when your mum has agreed? You think you should put more time on a guy like that, and put your dreams aside?

Yeah, as we grew older, we learned to compromise, learned to tolerate. But, certain things, shall remain as our life principles and shouldn't be changing.

Else, we're merely a human-being without soul, without purpose. Don't be someone who think eating tapioca roots is like having the best course of meals in the world.

There are difference between treating things open-mindedly, and treatig things blindly...」